Thursday, February 23, 2017

Four Months

Hi Honey. Today it's been four months since you died. Life without you is still hard. It's like I hit a brick wall. When you were here we were doing something every day. The wheels were always turning either on the motor home or the car.You were happy behind the wheel. Life is different now. I go to the store, the post office, I try to see the kids every couple of weeks or so and I'm getting ready to take my 2nd train trip to Jan's in a couple of weeks. Our sister in law Blanche is going to meet us when I get to Tacoma and we are heading to Ocean Shores for a few days.  
So today I was going to either get a glazed donut, or little dish of Baskin and Robbins Baseball Nut ice cream...both of your favorites. But when I left the Dermatology clinic I didn't feel much like having either. Yeah, I had a Mohs  procedure to remove another basal cell carcinoma. On a scale of 1-10 Dr. said it was a 2. But where it was located at the base of my nose, when the numbness wore off it hurts much more than the first one did.  A big ouch!!. Stitches come out next Wednesday.

I'm trying to eat healthier now. I have a lot of time to spend in the kitchen doing one of the things I enjoy. Cooking. I recently bought fresh vegetables. I snapped these beans

and prepared them to be steamed. I have a new steamer/rice cooker. After 12 years my old one was on it's last leg. I really like this one. I put the rice in the bottom, and can steam the veggies in the top at the same time.  I also bought some red,yellow and orange peppers and I steam them. sometimes I chop them up real small and add them to my scrambled eggs in the mornings.  I have a small chuck roast thawing and I'll make your favorite tomorrow..... pot roast. with red and gold potatoes, carrots and onion and my seasonings. That will make me about three meals. One will be supper and the other two will go in the freezer for a meal when I don't want to cook.

I borrowed this from the Internet. It fits where I'm at right now.I'm not stuck but the journey is slow. While the Dr. was removing the bad cells today, the tears started flowing. He asked if he was hurting me and I told him no. He knows about loosing you and he understands the tears. His assistant handed me some Kleenex. I guess it was just that it was one more hard thing I'm doing without you here to comfort me. The tears don't stay, they just come and go at the most inopportune time sometimes. I guess the above saying is true.... we loved each other so much and now all I have is the memories of that wonderful, beautiful love. The ice and snow are mostly gone now. The rain continues with patches of blue skies and sun now and then. The trees are pushing, and the bulbs are pushing their heads up from the ground. Spring will be here soon. I have a yellow primrose and yellow daffodils in my kitchen window, gifts from friends who love me.When I look at them I smile because I know that you loved yellow. Then I smile because as much as I miss you I'm relieved you are no longer suffering. You are in a new happy place. I can only imagine.........

Bye for now