Friday, February 10, 2017

I Didn't Realize A Little Pack Of Toothpicks Could Hurt So Bad.



My Joe, just when I think I'm doing better ...... I was cleaning out the pockets in the drivers side of car door  and look what I found hidden under a little plastic container of band aids. Yes, an unopened pack of your much loved, favorite toothpicks. Apparently you took one of the packs out of the larger packs to keep in the car. I don't know how something so small could "knock the wind" out of me. Stopped me in my tracks. I locked up the car, went in the house and cried til there were no more tears, crawled into bed ( it was only 7 P:M) and didn't get up til morning. In thinking about it the next morning, why did that hurt so bad?  Maybe because they were such a part of you. No, I didn't throw them away, just put them in a little place were I have other special things of yours I'm not ready to let go of yet but out of sight for now.  I also placed your sunglasses and case that were in another compartment I hadn't seen before with them. 


Another first, another hurt. I filed our income taxes for this year. I asked Jean why she had to put deceased on the form and her answer was because I filed joint this year and she had to. Then at the bottom I had to sign my name as "surviving spouse"  Add another description to who I am now.  Widow, surviving spouse...... But I will also be Betty Graffis, the name you gave me twelve and a half years ago that I will cherish for ever. 
O.K So I told you I would share a life lesson to help lessen the pain of missing you so much...Valentines Day, Another first without you.  Remember telling you about the lady I met recently who remembered you from  your days of transporting residents from place to place?  Well, she lost the love of her life just a few weeks ago. I don't know her pain, but I sure know mine. So I went shopping the other day and put together a little Valentine's Day Bag for her. Not a lot, just something to let her know that somebody cares about her. I did that for  three others that for what ever reason, I knew were hurting.That day for me was a really good day. I was thinking of others and not about me. This isn't a new lesson for me. Many years ago I walked through another dark valley and it was then I learned reaching out to others, helping others was really helping me. So I thought, well, let's try that again. Totally different situation but it works. So to my blogger friends that might be hurting, try it sometime. If you are feeling down, feeling blue, find someone else that might need cheering up. It doesn't have to be a gift, maybe a little note to them, or a smile and a hello as you pass them in the grocery isle......

On the way home from visiting my son the other day, I followed my GPS instead of going the way I usually go. To my great delight and surprise, I had to drive across this delightful covered bridge.  Cedar Crossing Covered Bridge


Another day while visiting my daughter I took some pictures on the way to where she lives.  Beautiful trees with lots of moss and  rushing creeks swollen from all the rain we've had.


It's been a good week with a few "bumps" Sixteen months ago Joe, when you were first diagnosed with cancer, we prayed and asked the Lord for Strength, Courage, Comfort and Peace. The Lord has been faithful. There are days when I want to question why, but He knows all the answers that I will know one day. Until then, He gives me strength and courage when I need it, I cry, then I blow my nose and wipe my eyes and thank the Lord for the comfort and peace He gives me when I'm done crying. I'm smiling more and even laughing out loud. Tomorrow I'm going to get the car washed. I know, not your way of doing things but at least it will look nice on the outside and then I'll go to the store and I will smile and say hello to whom ever I pass by.

Bye For Now
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I'll love you for ever and for always
Your Betty Girl

5 comments:

  1. Atta girl,Betty. Joe would be so proud of you!!!

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  2. Having never experienced the loss of someone so close I can only imagine how I would feel if I did and I know I would be thinking the same thoughts and having the same feelings as you. I think time is the best healer.

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  3. Beautiful memories of Joe. Amazing how such small things bring back such big memories.

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  4. It is great that you are able to put one foot in front of the other and keep going ...... the little things you mention as you go along are all part of the journey ...... I have a framed saying in my hallway, it goes like this, " change of any kind requires courage " ...... and that is certainly the truth !

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  5. Boy did the title throw me. I use those toothpics every day and they never hurt me. Now I know the rest of the story.

    Love the covered bridge. Strange the different turns and twist our life takes.

    What an awesome thoughtful gift to give your friend after the loss of her loved one. We can never ever show enough others how much we appreciate them. I made a New Year's Resolution this year to send a friend/family member a card each week. Just to let them know I am thinking about them. Makes me think less of my needs and more of others.

    Tears are a part of healing. You cry when you need to, laugh more often and rely on our Lord for His helping and healing hand.

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