Thursday, February 23, 2017

Four Months

Hi Honey. Today it's been four months since you died. Life without you is still hard. It's like I hit a brick wall. When you were here we were doing something every day. The wheels were always turning either on the motor home or the car.You were happy behind the wheel. Life is different now. I go to the store, the post office, I try to see the kids every couple of weeks or so and I'm getting ready to take my 2nd train trip to Jan's in a couple of weeks. Our sister in law Blanche is going to meet us when I get to Tacoma and we are heading to Ocean Shores for a few days.  
So today I was going to either get a glazed donut, or little dish of Baskin and Robbins Baseball Nut ice cream...both of your favorites. But when I left the Dermatology clinic I didn't feel much like having either. Yeah, I had a Mohs  procedure to remove another basal cell carcinoma. On a scale of 1-10 Dr. said it was a 2. But where it was located at the base of my nose, when the numbness wore off it hurts much more than the first one did.  A big ouch!!. Stitches come out next Wednesday.

I'm trying to eat healthier now. I have a lot of time to spend in the kitchen doing one of the things I enjoy. Cooking. I recently bought fresh vegetables. I snapped these beans

and prepared them to be steamed. I have a new steamer/rice cooker. After 12 years my old one was on it's last leg. I really like this one. I put the rice in the bottom, and can steam the veggies in the top at the same time.  I also bought some red,yellow and orange peppers and I steam them. sometimes I chop them up real small and add them to my scrambled eggs in the mornings.  I have a small chuck roast thawing and I'll make your favorite tomorrow..... pot roast. with red and gold potatoes, carrots and onion and my seasonings. That will make me about three meals. One will be supper and the other two will go in the freezer for a meal when I don't want to cook.

I borrowed this from the Internet. It fits where I'm at right now.I'm not stuck but the journey is slow. While the Dr. was removing the bad cells today, the tears started flowing. He asked if he was hurting me and I told him no. He knows about loosing you and he understands the tears. His assistant handed me some Kleenex. I guess it was just that it was one more hard thing I'm doing without you here to comfort me. The tears don't stay, they just come and go at the most inopportune time sometimes. I guess the above saying is true.... we loved each other so much and now all I have is the memories of that wonderful, beautiful love. The ice and snow are mostly gone now. The rain continues with patches of blue skies and sun now and then. The trees are pushing, and the bulbs are pushing their heads up from the ground. Spring will be here soon. I have a yellow primrose and yellow daffodils in my kitchen window, gifts from friends who love me.When I look at them I smile because I know that you loved yellow. Then I smile because as much as I miss you I'm relieved you are no longer suffering. You are in a new happy place. I can only imagine.........

Bye for now

Thursday, February 16, 2017

It Was A Very Good Day

Earlier this week I posted the following on Facebook:
I'm watching "Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown" and it makes me smile and laugh. Jesus Loves me, My Family Loves Me, My friends Love me, .........and I love me. Yes, I Love Valentines Day...Joe knew I loved Pearls, but I always told him no I didn't need them... Well guess what I'm getting me from Him for Valentines Day.... I'm going to Crown Jewelers tomorrow and picking up my new (small) pearl earrings . Thank you honey.
So my dear Joe, I kept that appointment at Crown Jewelers. These are the pearl earrings I chose. It truly was a week of love and I felt very loved. The morning of Valentines Day I was up early to return an item at Fred Meyers. While there I stopped at  the Starbucks in the store and bought a small latte. The young Barista  asked me if I was having a nice Valentines day. I said I was. I told her it was my first Valentine Day with out the love of my life but I knew I was loved by a lot of family and friends. She finished my drink and instead of putting it on the counter, she came around handed it to me with a HUGE "grandma hug" and gave me a card for a free drink of any size and a bag with two cake pops in it. Believe it or not I was speechless. After a nice thank you, I took just a few steps from there and saw a lady frantically laying things from her purse on an empty table....I thought to myself "now that looks like something I would do if I had "lost" my keys"  Just as I stepped along side her to ask if there was anything I could do to help, she got a huge smile on her face as she held up her car keys. We had a fun conversation about how I got the name "Lucy"  from you......and had a few more laughs we said goodbye. I noticed she hadn't put her debit/credit card back in her wallet. So I shared another "Lucy" story with her telling her how I promised you I wouldn't leave the counter in the future until it was back in my wallet and back in my purse. Before she took another step she put her card where it belonged.  My heart was happy. I received Valentine cards from friends and a beautiful long stemmed red rose with a note attached from dear friends reminding me how much I was loved.  It truly was a day of love for me.  
P.S. The card we give each other every year.... is in its proper place where I can see it everyday and everyday I feel your love.

In closing, my blogger friends, I wanted to share this. I love music and I love children. Put those together with one of my favorite songs ..... WOW!!

Bye for now
I'll love you for ever and for always
Your Betty Girl

Friday, February 10, 2017

I Didn't Realize A Little Pack Of Toothpicks Could Hurt So Bad.

My Joe, just when I think I'm doing better ...... I was cleaning out the pockets in the drivers side of car door  and look what I found hidden under a little plastic container of band aids. Yes, an unopened pack of your much loved, favorite toothpicks. Apparently you took one of the packs out of the larger packs to keep in the car. I don't know how something so small could "knock the wind" out of me. Stopped me in my tracks. I locked up the car, went in the house and cried til there were no more tears, crawled into bed ( it was only 7 P:M) and didn't get up til morning. In thinking about it the next morning, why did that hurt so bad?  Maybe because they were such a part of you. No, I didn't throw them away, just put them in a little place were I have other special things of yours I'm not ready to let go of yet but out of sight for now.  I also placed your sunglasses and case that were in another compartment I hadn't seen before with them. 

Another first, another hurt. I filed our income taxes for this year. I asked Jean why she had to put deceased on the form and her answer was because I filed joint this year and she had to. Then at the bottom I had to sign my name as "surviving spouse"  Add another description to who I am now.  Widow, surviving spouse...... But I will also be Betty Graffis, the name you gave me twelve and a half years ago that I will cherish for ever. 
O.K So I told you I would share a life lesson to help lessen the pain of missing you so much...Valentines Day, Another first without you.  Remember telling you about the lady I met recently who remembered you from  your days of transporting residents from place to place?  Well, she lost the love of her life just a few weeks ago. I don't know her pain, but I sure know mine. So I went shopping the other day and put together a little Valentine's Day Bag for her. Not a lot, just something to let her know that somebody cares about her. I did that for  three others that for what ever reason, I knew were hurting.That day for me was a really good day. I was thinking of others and not about me. This isn't a new lesson for me. Many years ago I walked through another dark valley and it was then I learned reaching out to others, helping others was really helping me. So I thought, well, let's try that again. Totally different situation but it works. So to my blogger friends that might be hurting, try it sometime. If you are feeling down, feeling blue, find someone else that might need cheering up. It doesn't have to be a gift, maybe a little note to them, or a smile and a hello as you pass them in the grocery isle......

On the way home from visiting my son the other day, I followed my GPS instead of going the way I usually go. To my great delight and surprise, I had to drive across this delightful covered bridge.  Cedar Crossing Covered Bridge

Another day while visiting my daughter I took some pictures on the way to where she lives.  Beautiful trees with lots of moss and  rushing creeks swollen from all the rain we've had.

It's been a good week with a few "bumps" Sixteen months ago Joe, when you were first diagnosed with cancer, we prayed and asked the Lord for Strength, Courage, Comfort and Peace. The Lord has been faithful. There are days when I want to question why, but He knows all the answers that I will know one day. Until then, He gives me strength and courage when I need it, I cry, then I blow my nose and wipe my eyes and thank the Lord for the comfort and peace He gives me when I'm done crying. I'm smiling more and even laughing out loud. Tomorrow I'm going to get the car washed. I know, not your way of doing things but at least it will look nice on the outside and then I'll go to the store and I will smile and say hello to whom ever I pass by.

Bye For Now
I'll love you for ever and for always
Your Betty Girl

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Life Continues on...... One Day At A Time

Before I start my blog this evening, for those of you who are from the Pacific Northwest or have had any dealings with  Camping World in Troutdale, Oregon, this was our headlines on the news tonight.  

These past couple of weeks it's been one day at a time. Nights being the most difficult. I saw this recently on Facebook and it pretty much says it all. My sister and I had a good talk on the phone the other night and bottom line from her own experiences, she has taken the tough times and turned them into "what lesson can I learn from this".

So I've been working on life lessons in the pain of missing you Joe...And I'll be sharing some of them from time to time. I met a sweet, elderly lady today who remembers you from your days of transporting residents from place to place. She couldn't say enough about how wonderful her and her husband thought you were. She used words like kind, gentle, helpful  to name a few. In a couple of weeks I will use her in one of my life lessons I will share.

Today was the monthly Senior Luncheon at church. Susan is such a great cook and her husband Ray is right there to help. I'm getting to know the group and making more new friends.  The tables were decorated with Valentine Candy, and cute little Valentine figurines. It is the most romantic month of the year right????  February was the month Joe gave me my engagement ring. Instead of giving it to me after we had it sized, he made arrangements with my Pastor at the time in Estacada to give it to me during our Church Valentine's Banquet. He said he wanted the whole world to know how much he loved me but knowing he couldn't do that, giving it to me in front of my church family would work too. That really was a surprise and so special because Joe was normally not one that would do anything in front of a room full of people especially people that he didn't really know that well. Pastor Jim's devotional after lunch was about love too.  God's love for us.  I couldn't focus to well on everything he said because I was concentrating on trying to keep my eyes from "leaking" It was useless so I quit trying, got out my hanky and just wiped them away and kept smiling.....

This is a view of part of my walk each day. I try to do it three times a day. I started Physical Therapy last week for Gait issues. It seems I'm not as stable on my feet as I use to be and the exercises I'm doing will help that if I'm faithful in doing them. I haven't fallen yet and I don't plan on that ever happening.

This is the view on the way back. If you enlarge the picture by clicking on it you can see beautiful Mt. Hood in the distance and our Class C Motor home patiently waiting for just the right buyer. 

This is just a weed as far as I know but it was frozen. I took this during our last freezing rain/snow storm. Even weeds can be beautiful at times. We are in the middle of yet another freezing rain/snow storm passing through tonight. This one though won't last as long. The forecast is for it to be done by Saturday which is a good thing. I will be working on my tax preparation this weekend and by Sunday hopefully it will just be rain and I can go to church......and then watch the Super Bowl. :)
Bye for now
I'll love you for ever and for always
Your Betty Girl